Top 5 Worst Philadelphia Draft Picks of All Time
So many years, so many reasons to punch someone in the dick…
5. Kevin Allen – Indiana, 1985, pick #9
We still got Randall Cunningham in the 2nd round, but this offensive tackle was a colossal disappointment for the Birds. Buddy Ryan described him as ‘a good player to have, if you want someone to stand around and kill some grass.’ This is basically how Rex Ryan would describe him too, just add an expletive after every third word while putting his dick in between someone’s feet. Allen was an all around good guy off the field too as he served a prison sentence for raping someone on the beach while his friend was beating up her boyfriend nearby.
Shit! We Could’ve Got Who? : Jim Lachey (12), Jerry Rice (16)
4. J.D. Drew – Florida State, 1997, pick #2
Yes, J.D. Drew is a scumbag. But he and his super scumbag agent, Scott Boras, did say that they would not sign with any team unless they got a guaranteed contract of $10 million. The Phillies tried to call their bluff and drafted him anyway. One year and a season at St. Paul later, Drew was playing for the Cardinals organization. Did he deserve to have DD batteries being thrown at his head? Probably not. Did I want one of them to hit him anyway? Probably.
Shit! We Could’ve Got Who? Troy Glaus (3), Vernon Wells (5), Jon Garland (10), Lance Berkman (16)
3. Freddie Mitchell – UCLA, 2001, pick #25
"I'd like to thank my hands for such an amazing 2 yr career"
This self proclaimed God but Earthly proclaimed bum had more nicknames than memorable moments in the NFL. ‘FredEX’ is only known for 2 plays: 4th and 26, and the 15 second scramble and pass McNabb made at Dallas. Both plays were made by McNabb as ‘Fast Talking Freddie’ simply had to make an easy catch from a perfect throw that could’ve been handled by Stephen Hawking. When it comes down to it, when Todd Pinkston and James Thrash out perform you in your career, you’re not known as a good wide receiver. Way to talk trash on the Patriots then back it up in the big game too…
Shit! We Could’ve Got Who? Reggie Wayne (28), Chad Johnson/OchoCinco/Dr.Negro (36), Chris Chambers (52)
2. Shawn Bradely – BYU, 1993, pick #2
"I'm 175 lbs of pure whitey"
This 7’6 tall glass of Morman waste who went by subpar nicknames including, ‘The Human Toothpick,’ ‘The Stormin’ Morman,’ and ‘Missionary Impossible’ (ok last one is pretty cool), was picked number two overall and only lasted for two and a half seasons for the Sixers. Great scouting obviously was done on this pick as Bradely only played his freshman season at BYU before spending the next two years of eligibility on Missionary for the Morman Church and didn’t play any basketball at all. This pick caused the Sixers to be in the basement for most of the ‘90s, but hey at least a couple of kids in Haiti got to be forced to learn about Andy Reid’s religion for two years.
Shit! We Could’ve Got Who? Anfernee Hardaway (3), Jamal Mashburn (4), Allan Houston (12), Sam Cassell (an ugly 24)
1. Mike Mamula – Boston College, 1995, pick #7
"My post-career is as productive as my football career"
The original ‘combine king’ performed so well during draft preparations that it made first year coach Ray Rhodes premature ejaculate and trade up to the 7th overall pick to get him. Undersized, overvalued, and eventually pantsless in an Allentown bar, Mamula will forever be the standard for NFL Combine heroes. It was also cute how we traded up with Tampa Bay to get this workout waste of life while the Bucs were able to select Warren Sapp with our 12th pick.
Shit! We Could’ve Got Who? Warren Sapp (12), Hugh Douglas (16), Ty Law (23), Derrick Brooks (28) –good thing the bucs draft picks didn’t come back to make us want to commit suicide in 2003…