Category Archives: College

"No really, it's this big."

Not a joke. Not a trick question. But before I answer, a little background on how we came to discover the size of the Badger’s business.

Twitter is a magical place. It offers average schlubs like me to have some personal (as personal as sitting pants less at a computer can get) interaction with athletes, celebrities, politicians, and whatever the hell Lady Gaga is. It was on Twitter where I inadvertently gave Todd Herremans his nickname and talked Phillies with Eagles legend Brian Dawkins. Twitter combined with another one of my hobbies, playing NCAA Football 12 on Playstation 3, to give me another fun interaction. In early October I had started a dynasty with the University of Cincinnati and followed a bunch of there players on Twitter. Wide receiver DJ Woods tweeted that he was at a tattoo parlor and the girl he was with was getting some ink on her booty. Naturally I asked to see a picture. At first he disagreed, but finally he obliged. Sadly, the picture is no longer available. Mr. Woods must have realized that he’d like to play football professionally at some point and that NFL teams might not like that he’s hanging out with chicks getting tramp stamps. If only the Honey Badger had learned this lesson.

My recent dynasty in NCAA Football 12 is with LSU who will play in the BCS National Championship this year. So after I followed several of their players on Twitter I stumbled upon an interesting tweet from corner back Tyrann Mathieu, a Heisman Trophy finalist and owner of the best nickname in college football, the Honey Badger. On December 3rd, Mathieu (@TM&_Era) replied to someone (@stillNdaPIKTURE) who accused him of “f–king half of baton rouge.” Mathieu than went on to defend himself by refuting it and professing his love for his girlfriend. Whoever created the other account was clearly out to tarnish the Honey Badger’s reputation because they also tweeted a picture of Mathieu and a girl who is clearly not his girlfriend. Mathieu stupidly replies again, saying that the picture is old, which it is clearly not. (There was actually more than one picture, one of which shows him and a girl on the sidelines of an LSU game while he is in uniform. All of the pictures were tweeted by this account multiple times throughout the day. The account was created on that same day and obviously is a crazy hood rat that Mathieu pissed off by hitting it and quitting it, or one of the other Heisman finalists who is looking for an edge in the voting…okay not really, it’s probably the hood rat.) Moving on…

So after I saw that the Honey Badger was possibly nesting in half of Baton Rouge I kind of tapped out. Apparently I should have paid more attention because then the story grew legs, or actually, a third leg. By actually replying to these messages and pictures of him and these girls, the dumb ass let the whole story out to his 50,000 plus followers. The rest of the story is detailed here on Deadspin. On December 4th all the pictures of him and his sidepieces were leaked to a website called MediaTakeOut.com. After he AND his girlfriend continued to deny the pictures and the accusations that he was cheating, the next day new pictures surfaced. This time they were just of Mathieu…well unless you count the creature that lives in his pants.

You do not see Tyrann Mathieu’s face in the pictures of his junk, or “jank” as it is referred to on the urban website on which they are posted. But there is no way that the pictures aren’t of the Honey Badger. You can look at the actual pictures here (don’t worry, they’re censored enough). If you were trying to put someone on blast by leaking a dick pic, you would use a tiny dick (See: Favre, Brett). This thing is enormous. I think it is actually nominated for the Heisman Trophy itself. It would win in a fight with two honey badgers. It’s amazing how fast Mathieu moves on a football field considering he actually plays the entire game with a football tucked in his pants. So to answer the original question, it’s pretty big. Big enough to cover the spread in the LSU-Alabama rematch.

A dick pic popping up all over the Internet in the middle of a Heisman nomination? That’s classic. Even Matt Leinart made it through college before the hot tub and beer bong pics came out. Tyrann Mathieu screwed this all up from the jump. He should have just been honest with his girl and told her what it was. “My heart belongs to you, but when I win the Heisman, my c–k is community property.”